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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27609412">Wassup, I'm King of Da North.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eleanor_Prescott/pseuds/Eleanor_Prescott'>Eleanor_Prescott</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire &amp; Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Also I don't know if this is important but I've got a cold., Attempt at Humor, F/M, I had the thought at 3 in the morning to write a day in the life fic at Winterfell, I ship Jonsa I swear, I'm Bad At Tagging, My nose hurts from blowing it too much., One-Sided Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen, Only a select few of the characters speak street slang, Other, and ONLY street slang, and the rest carry along like they're still talking in their normal pretty dialect, literal crack fic, pretty much took the really serious characters and made them talk in a very uncharacteristic manner, the twist?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:09:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27609412</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eleanor_Prescott/pseuds/Eleanor_Prescott</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack-fic. I took a handful of serious characters in GOT and made them... not serious? </p><p>Basically, I cackled, drank herbal tea, and wrote this after having it pop in my head unprompted at 3 in the morning. </p><p>Also, despite what it might seem, I DO know what half and half is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Grey Worm/Missandei, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, Jon Snow &amp; Ghost, Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen, Jon Snow/Sansa Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Not feeling like fact checking how some names are spelled, might change it later... Currently racing against time because I SHOULD be studying for a Physics test. Whoops. </p><p>Oh yea, and no hate, this is a mother freaking crack fic, loves.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a rap on the door, causing both Sansa and Jon to start rather violently, as they had been studiously bent over a particularly peculiar piece of correspondence. </p>
<p>"That must be Maestor Wolkan, would you see what report he's brought from the steward about the grain stores, Jon?" Sansa said absently, already having turned back to the ciphered scroll from Lord Glover, who's code usually depicted small caricatures of cute animals, where the third and fourth letters of the specie of animal would start to form a word. Jon usually didn't help with that, but liked looking at the animals because they made him squeal with happiness. Lord Glover knew how to draw a mean hedgehog.</p>
<p>"Fo sho, Sans, anything fo you," Jon sighed, reaching out to brush her cheek and stopping himself at the last moment by smacking his hand down. He keeps forgetting they're siblings. <em>'Cause you're a stupid bitch, Jon. </em></p>
<p>"Thank you, Jon."</p>
<p>Swaggering to the door, Jon unlatched it with a flick of his finger, shooting a look at Sansa to see if she saw how extra his display of masculine prowess was. She was still concentrated on the letter... He sniffed derisively, and swung the door open. </p>
<p>Maestor Wolkan bowed, "My Lord, I've come to deliver the news from the steward."</p>
<p>"Wassup, Wolkan?! Spill the tea, bitch, how's those grains stores? Better be lit, or we're dead before winter hits us." </p>
<p>"The steward has completed the numbers, and with the added soldiers to feed from the Dragon Queen's army, we'll last perhaps three months after the estimated time of battle against the dead, if we start rationing tonight."</p>
<p>"I'm shook. Tots thought we'd have more. Probs shoulda asked Sans before bringing dat beotch here. Feeling salty now, Wolkan. Should've brought betta news than dat."</p>
<p>"Yes, it is disheartening to hear, my lord, however, upon your and the Lady Sansa's orders I could put the plans for rationing into effect tonight?" Wolkan peered around Jon to Sansa who sat furiously scribbling a note back to Lord Glover, no doubt already finished deciphering the scroll. <em>What a flex, dat foxy haired minx.</em></p>
<p>"Yo, Sansa! Low-key bad news. Gotta start rationing tonight if we wanna live," Jon called, biting his lip and nodding at the sight of a lock of copper hair that had escaped Sansa's plait. </p>
<p>She put her writing down, sending a resigned smile to Wolkan, and turning towards Jon. "I'd agree, I trust you can deliver these plans to the steward and cook, Maestor Wolkan?"</p>
<p>Maestor Wolkan's lips curled slightly, "Of course, my lady, right away." </p>
<p>"Bye, Felicia!" Jon slammed the door in the Maestor's face. "Alone again, just me, you, and those gorgeous hedgehogs," he whispered, sliding back into his position over Sansa's shoulder. <em>Still her brother, even if it's only half.</em></p>
<p>"Yo Sansa," Jon muttered, deep in thought. Sansa looked up at him softly. "Half and half ain't so bad, ain't it better than full, anyway? Like, you mix that full fat milk with water, half and half, and it goes much better in your coffee. What I'm tryna say, half milk half water is betta than full fat milk, and is defo mo betta than just water. You get what I'm putting down?" </p>
<p>Sansa's cheeks turned that apple colour he liked so much. Not that green colour, that's yuck, that red shade that got those good vibes all over it.</p>
<p>"Jon," she murmured, eyes darting between his own, "are you... Are you trying to say- I can't infer anything you're saying, please, tell me in plain terms."</p>
<p>He stroked her apples, not <em>those</em> apples, and gazed longingly into her eyes. "We may not clap back at dat Night King dude... Sansa..." He bent down slowly, bringing their faces close, ever closer, until she was all he could see, and he her. <em>Sounds like heehaw, like a donkey. Heehaw.</em></p>
<p>Their lips were nearly touching, he could feel her breath ghosting along his cheeks, anticipation coursed through his body, the hair on his nape standing straight just like they did that one time when he nearly teetered off the cliff at Dragonstone. </p>
<p>Just before crashing his lips against hers, fulfilling his deepest and darkest desires, he whispered a phrase which still echoed around the chamber long after they embraced their hidden passion.</p>
<p>"Yolo." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>At first, I was gonna try and keep all the other characters normal-ish... I think I gave up. </p><p>Also, the only word I'm ever going to use for when Jon moves is... well, you'll probably be able to ascertain for yourself what it is. </p><p>And yea, it's short, but I wasn't exactly intending to make this a respectable story anyways! Enjoy what you can, I suppose.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dany rolled up to Lady Sansa's big wig office with her posse. </p><p>She shoved the door open, Missandei and Jorah slowly leaning around her to peer inside. </p><p>"Holla, Sansa!" Daenerys hollered, sauntering in before halting suddenly, Jorah and Missy-girl smacking into her. "...and Jon? Whatchu doin here, babe? You're supposed to be with my bar-be-que babies gettin ready for our afternoon ride-along... Why you both lookin funny, anyway?" Dany's eyes turned serious, "What's going on here?" </p><p>Sansa, after giving a very sub-par curtsy meant for her magesticness, smacked Jon square in the chest. He gave a pronounced <em>oof, </em>rubbing his sternum and then shooting his sister a look, he swaggered over Dany. </p><p>She grabbed his arm mid swagger, pulling him close so she could hiss lowly, "Boo, you lookin at that chick like my brother looked at <em>me</em>, what's poppin?"  </p><p>"Baby, don't be like dat, it's all g, we was only meeting up about that food stuff. I'll meet you at the bar-be-que joint...with the joints. Sound good?"</p><p>There was a tense moment where no one moved, and complete silence descended on them. Almost as if every occupant had held their breath as Dany debated taking the subject further. <em>Yea, it feels good to be top dog. </em></p><p>
  <em>...A joint sounds hella fine right now.</em>
</p><p>"Drogon'll take care of it all then, it'll be <em>lit</em>. Get yo ass down to the glen, boo." </p><p>Everyone seemed to join together in a sigh of relief, and Dany basked in the glory of making everyone mentally shit their pants. Jon looked especially relieved, which disconcerted the Queen of Bomb Ass, as Sansa had also joined in the collective sigh... She'd let it go, for now.</p><p>"Anything for you baby, ttyl." Jon swaggered around Dany after giving her a peck on the cheek, shooting finger guns at Missy and giving Jorah the Explorer a solid fist bump. </p><p>They all waited for Jon's echoing swagger to fade; Dany counted down until the resounding sound of his impressive swaggerness completely disappeared. </p><p>"Elemn, teaun, naine, ate, seymn, se, fiy, foe, thre, teeu, won..." Dany shot her posse a look, and they closed the door obediently. </p><p>"It's time for a little chat, ain't it?" </p><p>Sansa inclined her head, her eyes still maintaining their calculating look. "I couldn't agree more, your Grace." </p><p>
  <em>Everyone knows she aint got two coins to rub in that red head.</em>
</p><p>"It's Queen of Bomb Ass, and you <em>know</em> that." Dany felt like pistol whipping this bitch. </p><p><em>"Of course," </em>Sansa said in an understanding voice, spreading her hands in a way that was certainly not understanding of such a bomb ass title. "Let's sit, shall we?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This story is really not what I expected of myself, being a student who's doing her dissertation on Pride and Prejudice.</p><p>There's a lot of red squiggly lines under most of the words in this chapter, and it HURTS.</p><p>At the same time, THIS FEELS SO FREEING.</p><p>Next chapter, Brienne meets up with that Lion dude, and Dany and Jon smoke a joint together before going on their ride-along. Jon feels... paranoid.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Next chapter, Dany doesn't like the tension between Jon and Sansa.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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